The alarm buzzed in the pocket of the Polish commander in the mobile command post, displaying:
HIMARS not responding.
“What the hell!” he shouted. “Billions on F-35s, Patriots… and now this?”
Red dots on the map crawled toward the border like ants as the commander grabbed his tablet.
Derek from Support: “Hello! U.S. Defense Systems, how can I help, commander?”
“HIMARS not working!” he typed, his fingers slick with sweat.
Derek: “Have you tried turning it off and on again?”
“I tried. It says: Request authorization code. Contact U.S. Defense Systems.”
Derek: “Software needs an update. Next month, pending Senate approval.”
“Senate approval!?” he typed. “The Russians are advancing with tanks and artillery!”
Derek: “Not much we can do. Meanwhile, enjoy simulation mode.”
Commander: “SIMULATION!? THEY’RE ATTACKING!”
Derek: “Upgrade to Active Deterrence Premium: $12B/year, remote artillery, five drone strikes, 24/7 Trump Line.”
The commander clenched his teeth.
Outside, the rumble of artillery was getting closer.
“We’re already paying 4% of GDP… twice Germany’s share.”
Derek: “Loyalty Tiers aren’t based on spending. Germany has Tier IV; you’re Tier I. Progress, and we’ll throw in an extra Apache next quarter.”
“Can I at least launch the F-35 myself?” the commander typed with trembling hands.
Derek: “Launch Autonomy isn’t included. Certification takes 10–15 years.”
Operators flipped switches; screens read ‘Awaiting Authorization Code. Central approval required.’
“Give me one more Patriot battery and a dose of independence,” he typed.
Derek: “Battery sent. Independence – unavailable in your region.”
He slammed the console. The coffee mug rattled. “Screw their codes! Flip the manual override!” he roared. Screens flashed green, then went dark.
Main monitor: Unauthorized action detected. System lockdown initiated.
The lights went out.
A calm voice: THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION. DEMOCRACY HAS BEEN DISABLED FOR YOUR SAFETY.
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